Why?

When I got home today from work, I found Alex and Jack in the livngroom, doing some tummy time. Then Alex proudly announced he'd used baby powder on Jack's bottom during the last diaper change.

Baby powder has never been a part of our diaper change routine...kind of like Butt Paste...if we don't need it, we don't use it.

So I asked why he'd used baby powder during Jack's last diaper change. Bad idea to ask such an open ended question. Sigh. My bad.

Instead of simply replying "because I felt like it." or "because I wanted to try it." his long winded response (e.g. "well, I heard when the baby's butt is red, or if they've been sitting in a wet diaper too long it's a good idea to use some baby powder during diaper changes...kind of acts like a barrier between the baby's butt and the diaper, and also...")resulted in 10 minutes more of back and forth questioning between me and Alex so that I could try to figure out if Jack had a red bottom due to being in a wet diaper too long, or if Jack's bottom had suddenly broken out in a diaper rash of some sort, or if some other kind of condition or ailment had befallen my son.

Finally, in the end, Alex replied, "it makes his butt smell nicer."

Lesson #59 - Never ask my husband a question that cannot be answered by 'yes' or 'no'.

Jack's Mom

It has been challenging being a new mom. There was so much I didn’t know, so much I don’t know still and so many more things I will discover by the process of trial and error. It scares me to death, yet at the same time it delights me to see my son growing every day, changing, becoming his own personality….he’s amazing.

I’m so glad I got to spend every day of his first 12 weeks of life…but should that be enough? The answer is clearly no. Any mother who has had to drop her child off at day care and then turn around and walk away knows the kind of pain I felt this week.

Many moms have told me that I will get used to it, that it will hurt less and less as time goes by. When I think about it, that’s the magic or in this case the indifference of time. That the passing of time could make me get ‘used to’ leaving my child with strangers is incredible to me. Should I get ‘used to’ such a thing? I think not. Time is the enemy.

I don’t have enough of it with my son. But even having to come to work wouldn’t be so hard if I knew he was home with a family member looking after him. Anyone can care for an infant, even day care centers. But receiving care vs. love are two very different things.

Care is what is given at a hospital or an animal shelter. Love is what you get from home and heart. It is most unnatural to leave my infant son to go back to work. The added worry of whether he will get enough love during the day kills me. Children don’t grow by receiving care. They grow by receiving love.

It wrecks my heart to no end….”is he being loved at day care?” the answer is inevitably a resounding “NO”. There is a reason why humans don’t have a litter of babies like in the animal kingdom. The human baby needs one on one interaction/bonding/love.

“It will get better….” Bullshit. Maybe for them it did, but I don’t have to think even for a mili-second whether it will get better for me. It will not get better. I am not a day care mom. I am a mother to my son.