Glom

There aren't enough emotions or words to describe how I feel right now. I feel like crying mostly though I'm shamefully aware crying is the wussy and weak thing to do. I am trying really hard to see how this is going to help me going forward or what important lesson I'll be drawing out of this one but it's hard to see. I think maybe w/ some time the bitterness will dull out more, and a roundness of understanding and peace will replace what is currently sharp, and betrayed.

I should remember that no one is ever really stuck, but just unaware their legs were under them all along. I should acknowledge that what I have is far more compared to those who have not. I should see that this is only a very tiny and what will most likely become almost an invisible moment of my life which I will not remember years from now. I shall try to keep in mind that I am building towards a goal, big picture outcome, that when it comes right down to it, my motivation is love.

But for now, I shall curse those who crossed me under my breath and eat a slice of brownie.

I don't care....I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.....sometimes I hate people.

So I am on vacation for the next 2 weeks.

Today I am home alone - Alex is at work and the kids are at school.
I have no idea what to do with myself. So much for 'me' time. I think me time is over rated.
I miss all my boys terribly right now and wish they were here to inspire me like they usually do.

Good thing Alex has the day off tomorrow and then we'll be headed to Florida Wednesday morning. Hope the boys will enjoy the airport experience. We are bringing suckers for their ears and Benedryl for us though I doubt they'll sleep at all.

Hoping to be able to let go of my OCD for a while. Tehehehehehe!