Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Cat News Network

It's a fragile truce in the Maidy-land these past three days. Negotiations have failed, and the two debating sides refuse to concede to any conditions less than impossible.

Holding fast to the Northwest corner of the Maidy territory is Her Highness, Nellie - the tuxedo cat. Though slightly injured from Saturday's front line battle, she continues to recover - the recovery apparently being fueled by her outrage and anger from the losing battle that took place. When asked if the loss had affected her mental health and pride, she replied, "It is a smaller portion of Maidy-land, but it's rich in resources. I have the master bedroom, the bed, the laundry basket, two closets and the bathroom sink. The opposition has more space, but all he has is a couch and a few more windows...it's like Russia...big but useless."

The bathroom sink has been a thorn in the side of peace talk efforts for the past two years. Both sides claim they have exclusive rights to the sink, whether it is occupied all day or for five minutes by the rightful owner.

"It was an honest mistake." commented the opposition, Maidy-land's 'Operation Door Jam' director Newton Francis, who controls the Southeast territory.

The battle ensued early the morning of 9/10 as an un-named third party (most likely a large, lumbering species of human) sounded a false alarm in the ever important Agriculture region where both sides have heavy and strong interests and investments. Reacting to the alarm, and what appeared to be an attack by Her Highness to seize control of the shared area, the director struck back, full speed.

"I would like for things to get back to normal, but when hostilities are thrown at me, I'm going to throw it right back - sink or no sink!"

Talks broke down again last night after only 3 minutes as Her Highness spat at the director's tepid apology. The two sides engaged in a stare down, both still very cautious and on edge.

Despite last night's dismal results, the Prime Minister, and the Head of Affairs of Maidy-land will resume negotiations tonight. If there is one thing Her Highness and the director can agree on, are the skills and competence of the two officials. Their election to the position and status in the government has and still is highly criticized as they were tied to the Agricultural scandal during the 2004 Thanksgiving season (then the Maidy-Park Administration).

"They were giving our resources away in the name of foreign aid, and NONE came to us, the citizens of Maidy-land...who have to purr, beg and use the cat box for those resources." Her Highness has been quoted over the months following the scandal. "I'll leave a 'gift' just outside the cat box every now and then these days...as a way of protest and keep them on their toes."

"They're plundering resources." the director accused during last year's vaccination. "Who's to say they won't go as far as to sell off our precious Agricultural resources in the name of what they call hospitality? And they'll probably give it away to some country that doesn't even need it! Like the Lim's - who I might add, has been helping themselves by the handfuls!"

4 comments:

Alex Maidy said...

UPDATE: This just in! No new advancements in what is becoming known as HissGate. Both sides refuse to budge. Film at 11.

QueenWanydala said...

LOL!

In defense, The Princess of Roxbury Lane does not consume more than 2% of Maidyland's agricultural resources (she is extremely fickle). She is also very mindful to leave crumbs for both parties and encourages the Prime Minister and Head of Affairs to bring out agricultural resources within leaping distance.

The only resource that Roxbury is guilty of consuming is coffee (sweet nectar of life). So in thanks of providing wonderful coffee grounds from Italy and in hopes to settle the "HissGate" cause, Queenwanydala and Princess Elliea of Roxbury would like to offer reinforcments, which coincidentally protected Her Highness in the much controversial Chloe Invasion of 2002.

slacker said...

Let it be entered into the official records that the great people of Roxbury did not take anything that wasn't happily offered to them first. Hmmm.. Let me think...

Let it be known that the people of Roxbury are crying for the return of their almighty suctioning machine (aka Shop-Vac) in order to complete the public roadwork project that has been on hold for two years due to standoff between the two heads of Roxbury Estate.

QueenWanydala said...

we want updates on the crisis.