Day 6

Oh my gosh, I'm on day 6 of the no smoking business. Honestly, I didn't think I'd make it through day 1! Something to be said about the happy pills my doctor gave me.

My attempt to quit somking cold turkey last time was horrible. I'm a pretty cranky person as it is (just ask my family and friends), but to have the added the stress of quitting cigarettes made me psychotic.

Alex and I were at Panera, grabbing dinner. The girl who prepared my tray of smoked turkey on wheat and cup of soup did a sloppy job. When we reached our table, I looked down at my tray and realized the soup had gotten all over the sandwich, the napkins, the utensils, everything! Alex asked if I wanted a new tray altogether. I said no, but he did insist on getting me new utensils and napkins. I complained and whined throughout dinner. Then suddenly I snapped at him...."stop looking at my sandwich!" It was all too much. I picked up a pack of cigarettes on the way home and was back to normal soon thereafter.

This time around, I feel different. Maybe it's the pills, maybe it's because I have a different goal in mind other than quitting just the for quitting sake. I'm glad I've hung on this long. But the stakes become bigger and bigger the longer you go without one. Going one day before giving in and lighting up is one thing, but let's say you go an entire month and in a moment of weakness, light up again. That's a bigger waste of time and effort. The pressure of maintaining one's non-smoking decision looms heavier and heavier over one's head.

And about becoming a non-smoker/ex-smoker...this is something I will spend quite a bit of time trying to get used to. I still can't believe I've made it through a week.

It felt weird getting into my car and driving to work this Monday. This is when I usually have a smoke. It felt weird after my lunch while I sat at my desk instead of being outside for an after lunch smoke. I had to put gas in my car today. It was weird being at the gas station and only filling up on gas and not walking into the station for a pack of smokes.

So how have I been filling my time instead of smoking? I clean more. I cook more. And once I finally get rid of this cold, I'll be running again. I wonder how much better I will feel during my next run. Hehehe.