The Ugly Crying Truth

Alex was a mess when he started writing his vows about a month and a half ago. He went back and forth with different lines, sentiments and the likes, during which, he teared on more than a few ocassions.

He's a sap, a hopeless romantic...he embraces love and everything that comes with it. His capacity for such things are endless. I guess you can say, he is emotionally aware. I love this about Alex.

I on the other hand, am a different story. I'm more of a realist if such a thing exists (reality is relative). Sappy, mushy, fluffy things make me uncomfortable as it brings a certain sense of hoakiness (sp?) to it all, like it's too over the top, forced, unnatural, eerie and soap opera-ish.

I finished the first draft of my vows weeks ago. I did not struggle to hold back the tears while I wrote it. I focused on making every line, every word, every meaning factual and concise. It is very important for me that the moment is honest, and captures my thoughts accurately.

Last night, as Alex and I discussed our wedding favors, a strange sensation took over me. I heard his voice speaking, but I couldn't make out the sound. I saw his lips moving, but I could not read them. I was just looking over at him and thought, "My God! I'm going to marry him next week! We are getting married next Friday. We are really making this official".

A lump the size of a grapefruit welled up in my throat. How strange. My eyes felt full. My lips curved in a great big smile. I started to laugh and cry at the same time. Alex started laughing too. I wanted to resist, to fight the urge....then I realized it was no use. Alex hugged me...and assured me it is okay to be emotional. it's not a bad thing.

I WILL be that bride (despite my resistence) turned into a sobbing, sappy mush of a human being in front of family and friends. I'll probably gag, and try to catch my breath, kind of the way kids do when they have been crying hard and can't catch their breath. I'll probably do the ugly cry because I will be trying NOT to cry. Gads.