Mother's Day

I had originally started this post as a 'wish' list for Mother's Day seeing how it will be my first. However, Jack gave me an early gift tonight right before bed time.

I read him a book called Sleepy Time Kisses. The last page of this book has a squeaker embedded inside so when Jack taps/hits the page, the squeaker goes off. He did it on his own first, then I hit the squeaker. Jack put on one of his famous smiles and then looked up at me as if to say, "I really LIKE this book, Mom." And for those of you who have never witnessed a 'Jack smile', just think about the best day you've ever had and multiply it by a 100.

It was enough to bring me to tears. I realized at that moment I will NEVER be able to say 'NO' to Jack's smile.

Let's Play Name That Puke!

Which would NOT be fun to throw up?

• Tuna?
• Gyros?
• Shrimp?

The answer is.....ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Hair-tastic

By poplular demand, here is the 'MOM' hair.....argh. Laugh and enjoy.

I Hate My Hair!

I got the worst hair cut known to mankind last night at the salon.

I did my due diligence in selecting the colorist and stylist (who did such an awesome job on my hair three months ago) and even showed up 10 minutes early for my appointment.

As far as color goes, I no longer worry about a 'mistake' - too bright, not enough, too brassy....these are all things that can be corrected, and color fades with time anyway.

But the haircut is forever! You can't fix hair that is cut wrong, or too short! We are not Play-Dough people where we can grow new blue hair in a matter of minutes.

I loved what my stylist did with my hair the last time. It was a rounded cut, kind of like a bob, but with more layers, long layers. She also used a razor instead of scissors which I loved. The effect is very modern and sophisticated.

Last night, my stylist asked what I wanted done. I said the same as last time. I don't think she remembered what she gave me last time and so she asked, "what did I give you last time?" I began telling her and her memory started coming back.

However, this time, she suggested maybe going a little shorter, about an inch. I immediately asked, "how short? You're not gonna make me look like a boy, are you?"

She laughed. She promised it would not make me look like a boy. I agreed to go shorter.

Well, I DO NOT look like a boy.....I LOOK LIKE A MOM! Argh!!!!!!!

When styled, it's poofy up top and narrows/tapers towards the bottom - basically, I looked like a light bulb! She cut SO short that I now have bangs! BANGS people! I haven't had bangs since the 4th grade! I HATE bangs!

Despite my internal horror, I feigned gratitude, thanked her, paid and left. OMG!

It was all Alex could do to keep from kicking me out of the house -I was walking around the house, constantly saying, "I hate my hair!"

I know hair eventually grows out, and I'm hoping that by the time Florida comes around, I will NOT HAVE BANGS, but in the meantime, I have to live with 'MOM' hair.

Bargain!

Paying bills is a pain in the butt. But I'm always glad it's done after I've finished.
I have no money, but I have peace of mind....some more trade offs of life:

I do not have a super model body, but I have Jack
I am not easy to love, but I love many people (and Newt)

Excursion with Mom

I did it. I did the unthinkable, the unbelievable. I went shopping with my mother.

She leaves for Korea Thursday, YES, this Thursday, and so she had some things she wanted to pick up for her family and asked if I would take her shopping. I agreed knowing how important this trip is to her. She turned 60 this year, and due to financial limits, I was not able to give her an appropriate 60th birthday gift. So, I agreed to take her, and in the process, get her a few things she wanted/needed.

Before stepping foot into a store/mall, I asked her to think about the folks she wanted gifts for and then to think about what she wanted to get them and make a list. I am a huge believer in making a list. My mother is a believer in grabbing anything and everything that catches your eye and then later when you are ready to leave, find a nice quiet spot at the back of the store and go through all your items again and make another short list. This is her list.

Surprisingly, she said this time she actually did make a list - however, a list doesn't help much if you leave it at home. Sigh. However, I seriously do not believe she actually made any list at all as I found the following to be true during my excruciating experience with my mother:

Coffee -
likes the coffee my sister and brother-in-law drink, and did *I* know what kind of coffee it was? Why would I know what kind of coffee they get?
What kind of coffee should she get?

Ground or whole bean?

Why don't they have everything in ground?

Do they have coffee bean grinders in Korea?

Should I get them a coffee bean grinder?

Vitamins - keep in mind I am NOT a pharmacist

Apparently any kind of supplement that promises to enhance joint/soft tissue health is all the craze these days in Korea. She actually found the kind she wanted quickly (I was pleasantly surprised by this), however....

How many should I get?

Which brand should I get?

Which is better for you?

Should I get one too?

Toothpaste -

"I don't want the gigantic tubes of toothpaste, I just need a small one."

"Then don't buy here in bulk. You're better off buying at Jewel, one tube."

"Why do they sell toothpaste by the box?"

"They don't Mom, they sell in packs of 4 tubes."

"Oh, then I want to get it."

"Why do you need 4 tubes?"

"One for work, one for the main bathroom, one for the master bathroom, and the other as extra."

Her bathrooms are literally five steps away from each other. "It's good to have toothpaste in every bathroom cause you never know where you're going to brush your teeth." WHAT THE HECK ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Woodfield - I'll make the pain short and simple for you

Only planned on giving some people gifts and no gifts for others (forgot spouses, nieces and nephews and their children...etc.)

Made me decide what to get for half the poeple on her 'mental' list for gifts, and the only direction she gave me in searching for these gifts was it had to be cheap/affordable and the highest of quality. Sigh.

Argued Ralph Lauren clothing would be cheap and highest of quality. Lord help me!

Asked me how much items were cause she couldn't see the price on the price tag because she was not wearing her glasses even though they were already HANGING on her shirt!

Despite all of the above, we did share a fair amount of laughs and food (Mom likes Portillo's Italian Beef with hot peppers). And as always, when we returned home, she forgot about how tired her body was from being out for 6 hours and found herself gladly covered in Jack's drool.

Caring is over rated

I am not a boat rocker, feather ruffler, pot stirrer or sand box bully. I have always played nice with others in the sand box and truly believe majority rules, even if I'm not 100% on board.

But after becoming a mother, I feel I've shed that outter most layer, the superficial shell that usually kept me safe without confrontation in or with the public. I no longer care what other people think - especially when it comes to my Jack.

1) I do not care that my doctor's office thinks I'm a lunatic, a nervous-nelly, paranoid, or even annoying by paging the doctor at all hours of the night or making appointments for Jack to see the doctor every 10-12 days. I do not care how many times or by how many doctors I am told a fever can be a good thing. When a baby spikes a fever over 103 degrees, it CANNOT wait till the next business day for a mother.

2) I do not care that some of my co-workers tire of hearing stories about my Jack. You only have your first born once - coworkers are a dime a dozen! No contest.

3) I do not care that I wear spit up to work.

4) I make 'baby talk' all the time to Jack, even when out in public. I don't care who is giving me a strange look.

5) I could care less that there are 5 people standing in line behind me at Target as I explain for the 3rd time how the Similac Formula coupon works to the newby check-out kid at the register.

And I thought motherhood would make me passive, even flakey! Boy am I glad to be wrong!

Dare Update #2

I have not run since last Friday.
Too cold.

Weather is supposed to warm up this week. I plan on being back out there again.

Toothless First Cousins Legal here?

I'll have to leave my men next week for one night and a day as I'm going on a business trip to Charlotte, NC.

Yes, I will be venturing into what I only know as hillbilly nation for a work related trip.

Thank goodness on two levels....
1) it's only for one day and one night away from Jack
2) it's only for one day and one night in hillbilly country

While I'm looking forward to meeting the folks I work with and talk on the phone daily, I am kind of nervous about everything else that comes with going to a state that still upholds marriage between first cousins and considers tator tots a serving of vegetables.

Actually, I'm probably quite wrong about the whole thing. This city is probably loaded with rich history and landmarks from the Old South days, and they probably have good Southern cooking too!

My Jack

Do you think we look alike? Alex says we have the same face. (also I'm wearing too much blush - you'd think a sister would have told you...sigh)

The Dare Update

I ran twice last week - Thursday and Friday. I took the weekend off because I needed my body to heal so I could run again, but most importantly because my body just felt like crap after working out! Ouch!

I must admit, I felt wonderful to run/jog again. It felt good to have that time to myself again. It felt great to know that even after Jack, I could still do a mile at the first crack back at working out.

Working out as a non-smoker really makes a difference too. I warmed up, jogged a mile, cooled down and stretched all in about 25 minutes. This means I either ran a fast mile (well, anything 12 minutes and under is considered fast for me) or my warm up and cool down was fast.

Monday I did not work out - got my period, TERRIBLE cramps and just plain tired.
Tuesday I did not work out - waaaaaay too cold! (32 degrees!)
Tonight I did not work out - tired from not getting any sleep due to Alex's snoring (he's sleeping out on the couch tonight) and from getting up every two hours to check in on Jack and finally getting up at 3:30am to take his temp. and give him Tylenol and then putting him back to sleep which he didn't do till 4:44am.

I'm hoping tomorrow I can at least get a good walk in there somewhere, I deserve it.

Right now, it's way past my bedtime and I need to get some shut eye. Good night. Hopefully, Jack will sleep through the night.

"?"

I like direct questions and direct answers.

"What do you want to do for dinner?"
Direct answers - "I don't know." or "let's grill chicken."
Indirect answer - "Well we had chicken the other night and I didn't really like it and I don't want to do pizza again cause we had it for lunch at work today....."

"What time is it?"
Direct answers - "5:15pm" or "It's time to go!"
Indirect answer - "What do you mean what time is it? For what?"

"Where are you?"
Direct answers - "About half an hour from home." or "I just passed the toll booth."
Indirect answer - "I would be almost home already except there was this accident on the expressway...."

It's communication style differences I guess. I like to get the What, When, Where, Why, Who, and How first before adding to the subject. People generally like to get to those things first as it quickly sets a scenario/ picture/ or mind set of what is being asked/discussed/shared. Anything beyond the facts just adds layers.

There's nothing wrong with adding layers, whether it is interesting or not, just as long as the core of the information is addressed first.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

The Dare

Man, I have GOT to do something about eating better. I always mean well and get salad bags and stuff to take for lunch the next day, but I never manage to get them to the office. Because I am in a hurry, I always end up packing a frozen dinner/lunch thing. It's horrible.

And I never get enough water in the day. I prefer coffee, Coke, or Diet Coke with a lime. And I never work out. I dream about getting up earlier in the morning or going out after I put Jack to bed to get at least a 30 minute walk, but that never happens.

I barely get up in time to put powder on my face! And after Jack’s been put to bed, I’m pooped and don’t want to do another thing, or have other things I need to take care of for the next day (too bad one of the ‘next day’ item is not putting together a salad for lunch at the office).
Are there just not enough hours in the day to get all I want to do done? Or am I just not DOING them?

Someone once told me that as far as working out goes, if you have the mindset that your workout time is an option, it’ll never get done; it has to become a ‘must’. You don’t have a choice; you don’t base the decision to work out on how you ‘feel’ that day.

I’VE NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO DO THIS.

I am curious though…the kind of curiosity a mad scientist would have looking at some plutonium and nitrogen. What IF I challenged myself to do as I want, and not do as I feel? What if I became militant about keeping to a routine and/or schedule for MYSELF too?
How would I change? And how quickly would that change take place? Would it change who I am?

There are a handful of things I’ve changed for the better in my life, marriage and Jack are the result of some of these changes. But the hardest for me to learn/fix was to manage my money better after my father passed away, and to quit smoking before I got pregnant.

COULD I take on the challenge of getting my butt out there every day? I read it takes at least 21-23 to kick a habit or obtain one.

I’ll have to engineer a ‘habit’ to get myself out there for 30 minutes once a day.

Wet Purse

So Jack peed on his socks while he was getting weighed yesterday at thedoctor's office...and I hadn't brought the diaper bag with me from the car,so I took off his socks and put them in the front pocket of my purse.

This morning while in my car, I found my glasses sitting on top of the dashand went to put them in the front pocket of my purse (cause I couldn't findthe eyeglass case I'd left in the car). I'd totally forgotten the pee peesocks were still in there and shoved my glasses in.

I got to work and pulled out my glasses and realized what I'd done. I pulledout the socks too. They were still wet. They are now in a plastic bag, backin my purse - the main compartment. Sigh. But I kind of liked seeing a'Jack' item that had followed me to work today. It's a good day.

Thoughts

First, my apologies for not having blogged in quite a while.

I have been happily busy trying to spend as much time as I can with my son, Jack.
He makes the daily grind of the work place worth it. I was telling a friend of mine yesterday how I wished I had Jack sooner. He is too much fun! He's awesome. I cannot remember what life was like without Jack.

I can no longer hold out to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I was trying to stave off buying clothes I'd fit into now in my bigger state. However, I have gotten sick of rotating the same 3-4 shirts and 2 jeans throughout the week. I need to buy clothes without spending an arm and a leg, and also to find things that will actually fit me without going to the maternity section.

I admit it freely, I am still wearing maternity jeans. Why? They are super comfortable! And I am still super fat in the middle. Jack was a big kid! Give me a break...I'm gonna look big in the middle for a little bit longer, okay?

The above being said, I also need to actively do something to drop the pounds. I am currently on SlimFast...I'll let you know how that goes. I've been on it for a week now and have not dropped a single pound...probably cause I have a dessert every night after dinner at home (vanilla icecream and Oreo cookies). I should probably stop that. Also, I have not been working out. I have not even done so much as 30 minutes of walking. So I'll just stop wondering why I haven't lost a single pound now.

My J.Crew card is paid off. I want to buy!!!!!!!!! Damn the internet!

Why?

When I got home today from work, I found Alex and Jack in the livngroom, doing some tummy time. Then Alex proudly announced he'd used baby powder on Jack's bottom during the last diaper change.

Baby powder has never been a part of our diaper change routine...kind of like Butt Paste...if we don't need it, we don't use it.

So I asked why he'd used baby powder during Jack's last diaper change. Bad idea to ask such an open ended question. Sigh. My bad.

Instead of simply replying "because I felt like it." or "because I wanted to try it." his long winded response (e.g. "well, I heard when the baby's butt is red, or if they've been sitting in a wet diaper too long it's a good idea to use some baby powder during diaper changes...kind of acts like a barrier between the baby's butt and the diaper, and also...")resulted in 10 minutes more of back and forth questioning between me and Alex so that I could try to figure out if Jack had a red bottom due to being in a wet diaper too long, or if Jack's bottom had suddenly broken out in a diaper rash of some sort, or if some other kind of condition or ailment had befallen my son.

Finally, in the end, Alex replied, "it makes his butt smell nicer."

Lesson #59 - Never ask my husband a question that cannot be answered by 'yes' or 'no'.

Jack's Mom

It has been challenging being a new mom. There was so much I didn’t know, so much I don’t know still and so many more things I will discover by the process of trial and error. It scares me to death, yet at the same time it delights me to see my son growing every day, changing, becoming his own personality….he’s amazing.

I’m so glad I got to spend every day of his first 12 weeks of life…but should that be enough? The answer is clearly no. Any mother who has had to drop her child off at day care and then turn around and walk away knows the kind of pain I felt this week.

Many moms have told me that I will get used to it, that it will hurt less and less as time goes by. When I think about it, that’s the magic or in this case the indifference of time. That the passing of time could make me get ‘used to’ leaving my child with strangers is incredible to me. Should I get ‘used to’ such a thing? I think not. Time is the enemy.

I don’t have enough of it with my son. But even having to come to work wouldn’t be so hard if I knew he was home with a family member looking after him. Anyone can care for an infant, even day care centers. But receiving care vs. love are two very different things.

Care is what is given at a hospital or an animal shelter. Love is what you get from home and heart. It is most unnatural to leave my infant son to go back to work. The added worry of whether he will get enough love during the day kills me. Children don’t grow by receiving care. They grow by receiving love.

It wrecks my heart to no end….”is he being loved at day care?” the answer is inevitably a resounding “NO”. There is a reason why humans don’t have a litter of babies like in the animal kingdom. The human baby needs one on one interaction/bonding/love.

“It will get better….” Bullshit. Maybe for them it did, but I don’t have to think even for a mili-second whether it will get better for me. It will not get better. I am not a day care mom. I am a mother to my son.

Motherhood

Some thoughts since Jack's arrival:

1) Bouncer/swing after feeding = Spit Up Fest 2006 featuring Jack Maidy!
2) Always have extra burp cloths on hand
3) Burping is not optional
4) Diaper changes - baptism by pee
5) One free hand is enough to get 5 things done while feeing baby
6) Grandparents are wonderful!
7) ACCEPT help when it's offered (or you'll regret not taking it)
8) Burping is not optional
9) Nail clippers - friend or foe?
10) Date night? Yeah right!
11) Vanity - throw it out the window, you won't care
12) Coffee - heaven sent
13) Breast pumps - a very odd, odd contraption
14) Burping is not optional
15) Jack and I lose hair at the same rate
16) Yes...you CAN over bundle a baby
17) I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the idea of day care
18) Moms are for comfort, Dads are for play (and poopy diapers)
19) Burping is not optional
20) Maternity leave is just long enough for you to feel like a mom....then go back to work! Argh!!!!
21) Motherhood is not a feeling...it is action driven by love
22) Did I mention burping is not optional?

Hiatus

I'm back!

Yes, it has been months, but I have a good excuse...a great excuse!
The Maidys have added a family member.

On 9-25-06, little Jackson Maidy arrived at 7:41am. Well, he's not so little. He was 8lbs. 10oz at birth. Jeesh! Born via C-section and for good reason too. There is no way I could have had him naturally. Yikes.

Jack is as cute as can be and makes me happy every day with hsi smiles and laughs and attempts to sit up even though he has not yet mastered holding up his head first. Hahahaha!

All the grandparents, and one great grandmother are totally in love with him, not to mention his aunts and uncles are in love with him as well.

Sorry I have not posted in a while

Being pregnant, all my attention has been put to the baby blog.

Another part of being pregnant is wondering from time to time what will happen (or not happen) to my body once Jack is born and my body is no longer hostage to his needs.

Will I be able to lose the baby weight? Will my stomach ever be the same again? Will I be able to get into a swimsuit after birth?

Besides the physical changes, I wonder about the mental and emotional changes. Up to this point, I've just been my old self. Other than a bit of teen and mid 20's angst, my identity (or at least my idea of who I am) has never been questioned or in doubt.

How about after birth? Being someone's mother is a HUGE identity change/adjustment right? I've heard mothers put this change to me in many ways...."oh you'll still be you, only better!" or "your life will be turned completely upside down as well as who you always thought you were!" and "your priorities change, therefore, you have to change." and "there is no such thing as a cool mom...by definition, moms are not cool."

Really? A cool mom doesn't exist at all? How could there be cool dads, but no cool moms?