Christmas List 2009

I've been asked to post a wish list for Christmas this year....





1) One day of the following: no dirty dishes in the sink all day (at any time including dirty bottles), no laundry in the washer needing to be moved to the dryer, no laundry in the dryer needing to be taken out and folded and put away, breakfast, lunch and dinner already planned and made by someone else, no clutter all day long, not having to pick up after anyone all day, having garbage taken out without having to ask, to be able to hang out with the boys and not do any house work all day long.

2) Donation of foods/goods to the local charity/shelter/Good Will

3) Foot massage

4) 2 hours for myself

5) Jack to say Merry Christmas

6) Ben to rollover/sit up on his own

7) Lots and lots of my mom's awesome Korean food

8) Bigger House

9) Snoreless Night's Sleep

10) Dance Party with the boys (w/ lots of Wany's Chex Mix)

Shorts

I'm so tired. Ben continues to get up in the middle of the night to eat. When will this end? I hope soon.....very soon!

I'm too tired to write anything else.

I Wear the Pants!

I have suspected it all along....

Alex is the wife and I am the husband. We are the opposite.

We took a test and it confirmed my suspicions. Alex found this test somewhere on line during work (though he constantly complains about having so much work to do he manages to find time for self assessment tests). It tests quite a bit of things which are designed to determine right or left brain hemisphere dominance.

Alex's score fell JUST short of the average woman's score and my score fell JUST short of the average man's score. I am systematic, a linear thinker, logical and not at all very empathetic like the average woman.

I have taken/been through other assessments of this kind which all point in this same direction...I like process, logic, rules, data, strategy...etc.

But I think this is exactly why Alex and I are married...together we make the perfect, balanced person.

Heard Recently

Some funny/interesting things I heard recently:

Little Nut Brown Hare

"a cat could do this job!"

I'm a professional

It's rooooooined!

Game over! Game over!

That is the ugliest guy I've ever seen

Bank of America used their depositor's funds as collateral for their recent purchase of Merrill Lynch - and the gov't allows it.

Is water magnetic?

Was that you or Ben?

Last Instruction

My husband recently blogged about a last letter (related to wills).
I however, will not have a list for the boys. My only instruction for them will be this:

ALWAYS listen to your father with respect at all times....then think about what your mother would do, and act on THAT.

He Doesn't Believe Me

I am not a big fan of tolerance or suffering on behalf of anyone or any thing.

We've only had two kids in the house for three months and I am already dreaming about a vacation of our own - just me and Alex - no kids, no diapers, no potty training, no bottles, and certainly being able to eat a hot meal the minute it is served without having to wipe someone's hands or face every two minutes or picking up something from the floor.

I told Alex as much, but he seems to be under the impression I am dreaming of such a vacation from the kids because this is the 'hard' time (as he calls it) and because I am still relatively new to having two kids in the house.

What my dear husband doesn't realize is that I am totally and completely being serious about wanting a vacation. He said it would be five years from now before we could even think about taking a vacation alone.

Five years from now the boys will be old enough where I will WANT to take them on vacation with me so that they can share in the experience. But right now, when their world is still somewhat smaller and limited due to their age, I'd like to set my feet down in a different place just for a while - alone.

I'd just need 3-4 days. He said we'd be lucky to get 2 days. Maybe he's right. Maybe from this point on it is useless to dream of such luxuries. Maybe I'm stupid for even thinking it could be possible.

I feel an immense pressure to act and think what is expected of me as a 'mother'.
But who wrote THAT book? And must I follow that? Does motherhood mean not wanting a vacation from the kids - ever? And does that mean I am a bad mother or evil becuase I thought it? What's the ettiquette for that? What is the proper amount of time that is deemed proper for a mother to voice that she would like a vacation from the kids without fear of judgment?

Does anyone read anymore?

This is my attempt to see how many (if any) people actually visit my blog and identify who they are.

I have been suspecting all along that no one really reads/visits my blog anymore so I shall test this.

If you have visited and read my blogs, please leave comment.

...now to see how long it takes to get a response - if any.

If no one is reading/visiting my blog, I might as well write what I really think, right? :-)

I love my boys....really, I do!

Sometimes I still can't believe it. I am a mother of two.
It seems like just yesterday when Alex and I moved into this house we're in now - just the two of us, trying out new recipes, kicking back and watching all our favorite shows, having time to blog, sleeping through the night...and weekends were just more hours to fill with movies, seeing our friends, running errands, and oh yeah...sleeping in!

I dream about those days now and wonder why we didn't get more done!

These days, I'm lucky if I get a shower in during the day and Alex is lucky if he gets to watch one of his favorite shows on TV. We both have talked about what it would be like if we could just have one weekend, one day without the boys, where we could just sleep in...then we asked ourselves, would we be able to sleep past 6 or 7am on a Saturday? Would we automatically wake up during those hours anyways just as Jack has trained us to do?

When it was just Jack, Alex and I would ask ourselves from time to time "what in the world did we ever do with our time before we had Jack? This is so much fun!"

Now that we have two, Alex and I have asked ourselves "what would we do if we had just one day to ourselves?"

Don't get me wrong - we love our boys and having two kids was definitely what we wanted all along. We just never realized how much harder managing two kids 21 months apart would be in a tiny two bedroom condo.

Initially I rejected the hardship and kept wondering why Ben wouldn't sleep well like Jack did eight weeks into life and why the house was a mess on a daily basis, and why we were spending so much on groceries every week.

But now I think I am a point where I have resigned to the fact that I will never get enough sleep, weekend shopping excursions will be limited to Jewel and Target, and the house will not be clean or contain unstained, neat, unbroken things for at least the next 18 years.

My OCD (my needs) will just have to wait the next two decades while we try to raise two beautiful boys.

Sun Burn and Other Happenings

Got sun burn while detailing the cars Tuesday afternoon. I didn't think I'd be out there THAT long, so I didn't bother to even thing about sunscreen. That was a mistake. It was painful yesterday, it is now itchy today. Sigh. It wouldn't be half as bad if I'd just gotten a normal looking burn, but no....I have this weird sports bra and tank top pattern on my back now and for the rest of the Summer. Sigh...sigh.

Sam left today back for Florida. We miss her already. Alex really misses having a family member around the house for an extended period of time....so now I wonder what his wife and kids are to him? Are we not family too? Just kidding. I know what he means. I am fortunate that I live very close to my family (though sometimes I wish I didn't) but Alex does not have such luxuries as those he grew up sharing living space with are in Florida - far away. He really enjoyed having Sam around as did the rest of us and felt the void she left behind tonight as silence fell over the house after Jack and Ben fell asleep. I'm sure Alex misses having Sam to pick on and talk about films and comics.

We sent her home with a nice book, photos of the kids, and a gift certificate to Sephora for all the help she provided in July.

Life with Ben without the help of Sam or anyone else for that matter truly begins Monday when Alex is back at work, Jack is at daycare and I am home alone with the Ban-Ji-Man. He is an incredibly cute kid like his brother, but unlike his brother, Ben can become angry, very quickly. Oh, and also, he does not like to sleep. Sigh.

I am feeling better nowadays though....much less frazzled. I think I had too much going on all at the same time and became stressed out. Now that the stressful moments are over, I am feeling more level headed and used to having a newborn in the house again. I am not sure why I expected things to be orderly and systematic.

I got my hair cut short. It's an angled bob, or an inverted bob as Sam called it. Whatever it is, I love it. It's short in the back and longer in the front so it still gives the illusion of having length without the long length which would have been too much for me to take care of had I left my hair long.

My back is itchy but I cannot scratch it...the burn still hurts. Gads!

6 weeks

Officially 6 weeks post partum. My check up went well. I am back to normal and little by little, I can start getting back to normal things. Lifting Jack, however, still makes my incision area achy and sore so I have to still take it easy with him. Otherwise, I plan on taking daily walks and even try my hand at getting back to jogging again though I'm not sure how I'll get this accomplished once Sammie goes back to Florida. Hmmm. Must think about this some more. I may have to resort to jogging at night after Jack goes to bed while Alex watches Ben.

Nights and days are still mixed up for the B-man. Trying to fix it starting today by waking him up every 3 hours after he dozes off. He has his bigger chunks of sleep during the day time, but during the night, he promptly gets up every 2-3 hours to eat or just fuss. Sigh. I am very tired.

Need to think about budgeting what remains of our savings account till I return back to work. Need to go grocery shopping too for some odds and ends here and there.

I am thinking about putting an end to pumping. I don't get much as it is right now and if Ben is indeed allergic to lactose, wouldn't he be allergic to the lactose that's in breast milk anyways?

Alex goes in for surgery Monday. He is worried. Because he's been so very healthy all his life (despite his history of high blood pressure and bad cholesterol - it runs in his family)he is quite nervous about going under the knife.

Logically, he knows there is nothing to be afraid of. In reality, it still scares him to death to go under for his irrational fear of not being able to come back out of it. Unfounded fear? Yes, but I guess I would feel/be the same way if I were in his position.

Okay, gotta go now...eat lunch, then look up some stuff about breastmilk allergies.

I have a date!

Yes, it's true! I have a date this Friday and it is not with my husband. Gasp!
No worries or gossip to be had here....I am meeting a couple of my female coworkers from the office.

Our department has recently had a re-org. so I'm sure there will be plenty of things to discuss related to the change as well as other gossip that I've missed out on since 6/6.

I am glad to be out of the house every now and then as it helps keep my sanity. I am so terribly thankful to have my sister in law here to help me as well. I don't know what kind of mental state I'd be in if it weren't for her help and company.

Anyway, just wanted to note that I am in much better mood since my last post. I think it's because I'm actually getting things done around the house, am able to check my work email, and I've actually started making a list of things I'd like to do or get done this month. Yes, the planning Taylor is back! Woo hoo! Today I dumped all of Ben's feeding times and amounts into .xls format. I needed to do something like that (I know for most of you this isn't exciting). I think Ben is trying to develop a pattern of sleep and wakefulness. I'm beginning to feel more and more like myself again.

Okay, the B-man awakes. Gotta go change his diaper and get him fed on schedule.

Inadequate

Breast feeding is not going anywhere. Ben absolutely refuses to nurse 90% of the time and when he does decide to nurse, it's as a last resort and only on one side. I have all but given up on the hopes that he will ever breast feed.

Pumping hasn't been that much more successful either. Ben is a very needy baby and therefore I do not always get to pump at a 2 hour cycle every day. With my sister in law here to help, I assumed I would not have this problem but I can't pump and leave the bottle feeding to Sam all the time. I feel I'd be neglecting Ben in my motherly duties if Sam took care of the bottle feedings 6 times out of the 8-12 in a 24 hour period. I don't know. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. I don't know.

Emotionally I feel like a wreck. I'm feeling okay about things one minute and the next I feel like my life is utterly out of control. I hate feeling out of control.

I feel like I'm not being a good mother to Ben. When Ben is not sleeping or eating he is crying....I mean all the time! I can count on one had the few times when he's been awake, just alert and gazing at things or faces without crying bloody murder! I'm fearful that he has what I'm beginning to think is 24-7 colic. It's not just certain times of the day, or night. It's all day, all night. If he's not feeding he's crying. I don't remember Jack being so fussy.

At times I get angry about the crying, but I know it's irrational and that's what babies do, they cry. I tell this to myself until someone (friends or family) come over and see first had what I'm talking about when I complain about the crying.

I know every baby is different, and right now I feel totally unable to console or care for Ben. I don't know what he needs, I don't know how to console him. Maybe I'm not spenidng enough time with him. Maybe I don't play with him enough. Maybe he's complaining because he needs face time - my face. But I am so tired.

He feeds every 2-3 hours and trying to get him on a schedule seems less than impossible.

He needed a bath today, but I don't want to give him one as he will most certainly start crying. Whenever I walk into a room he starts to cry. He hates me.

Jack is crying in his room right now. It is past his bedtime. I don't know why he is crying. I hope he goes back to bed.

I have to pee and right now I'm blogging instead of peeing. Why? Because I need an outlet, to vent. I feel I need to vent more this time around than I did with Jack. I feel horrible. All the best laid plans have crumbled before me and I'm having to work with what is left to me.

I need to pee, then take my mom to my sister house now. She had an endoscopy today. I realized a lot of things about my mom today, but mostly that I love her very much and I need to take better care of her.

That's my stress right now...I want to take care of everyone and everything and I feel I am not equipped for such a duty.

It's been 4 weeks since the birth of my second son, Ben.

He is a beautiful baby. He is a hungry baby. He is a I want play and look at faces baby. He is also pretty good about getting up several times at night for long feedings.

I've had to adjust my way of thinking. At first I was nothing but annoyed by the fact that Ben would wake up every two hours to feed. His feeding sessions would last anywhere between what seemed like 15 minutes to 15 hours! I guess it's because it was the middle of the night that it felt longer. But there were many nights I'd look at the clock and see that he'd been eating his 4 oz bottle for the past hour.

Then there were nights he was so gassy and fussy that he slept no more than 40 minutes at a time. Poor kid. But he's a champion burper (thanks to his dad) and pooper (also thanks to his dad). He has had no problem gaining weight or growing. He's very strong too. He's already lifting his head and moving from side to side.

There were times I thought I was going to lose my mind during the middle of the night. There were times I shed a few tears as well...blame it on hormones or the fact that I'd totally forgotten that it must have been like this with Jack as well.

Maybe I didn't mind as much with Jack just cause he was one baby and our first, so I think my nerves and my OCD kicked in to block out the reality of being sleep deprived and unshowered for days on end and not having eaten.

Also with Jack, I didn't pump breast milk, so I had plenty of coffee to sustain me through the hours. Not so with Ben. But I keep thinking about the benefits Ben will have received from breast milk. I am hoping Ben will not get ear infections like Jack. I am hoping he will be able to stave off the common cold when he is at daycare.

My sister-in-law, Samantha is here to help me for a month which is totally appreciated! She has already helped tons by cleaning the many bottles Ben goes through. I am afraid I will have been spoiled rotten by the time she leaves. Sigh.

However I find that there are still many things that keep me busy during the day...laundry, what to do about lunch, dinner, snacks, did I pump on schedule? Have I showered? Should I make more seaweed soup? Yes, I think I shall. In fact, that is what I'm going to do now. I love that stuff and it's supposed to be good for milk production. Oh, that's another thing I need to find out, what foods will cause the least amount of gas for Ben in breast milk. Sigh. So many things to do!

Week 3

I am surrounded by breast pump accessories, bottles, bottle brushes, diapers, onesies, socks, and more diapers.

Life with Ben so far as been as expected and then not so expected. I knew being with a newborn again was going to be tough...sleepless nights were a must and frequent diapers changes and adhering to Ben's schedule was expected.

What I did not expect was the intensity of fatigue and the marathon pace the 2nd time around would be.

Like most first time 2nd time parents, I thought it would be easier, calmer, less frantic because we'd gone through all the craziness before. What I did not take into calculation was that before, it was just one baby and us.

This time around, not only do we have a newborn to contend with, but with a very active toddler.

We are doing our best to make sure Jack does not feel neglected in any way. He had Grandma, Grannie and Granpa to occupy him the past two weeks and he enjoyed every minute of it. Jack has been very good about being around Ben as well. He kisses Ben on the head, arm, and hand whenever he can, and says good-morning to him every day.

I have also been fortunate that Ben is not a screamer, and Jack doesn't seem to be bothered by the cries when there is noise, so I am very thankful for that. I hope Ben stays this way...Jack wasn't a loud baby either, so if Ben stays on course, this means we have another easy going baby in Ben.

I try to get showers whenever I can just so that I still feel a part of the world. Something happens to a person when they hang out in pajamas, or in my case nursing gown 24-7. One day seems to melt right into the next and you don't feel productive, even though you're pumping, feeding, changing, burping, cooking, cleaning...etc.

Oh, and that's another thing. I will definitely appreciate Sam's help when she is here next week. I need all the help I can get washing bottles, planning meals, keeping the house clean - though people including Alex, have told me not to worry about the housework so much and that keeping a house clean with a 21 month old and a newborn is impossible anyway.

For me, cleaning the house is keep my sanity and peace of mind. I can't live in a space that is unorganized and sloppy, for me, it just adds stress, especially since our space is limited to about 800 square feet total. Gads.

We hope my mother's place will sell quickly so our family can move onto a bigger place where Ben has a room of his own and does not have to room with mommy and daddy in the near future.

I have to call the breastfeeding hotline today but have not had a chance to all day yet (it is now 2pm). I will have to wait till the next time Ben is down for a nap to make that call. He has a sever case of nipple confusion. He hates the breast. Sigh. But I continue to pump with my newly purchased breast pump which I might add works better than the hospital grade pump we rented for two weeks.

Okay, Ben is getting restless, need to tend to the Banji-Mon.

Nesting?

The home improvements are almost done....just a couple more things to do and then we'll be done for the Summer...well, the year actually.

I am glad it's coming to an end as it means Alex and I will no longer have to take advantage of my brother-in-laws expertise in home improvements. Without Jae, I don't think we could have made any of the improvements around the house correctly.

My sister is very lucky to have married to such a handy guy! Don't get me wrong, Alex knows how to fix things here and there too, but they are mostly internet/software based and only to a certain degree.

Jae single handedly remodeled his entire kitchen on his own.

We have learned a lot from this experience.

1) pay the extra $100 to have new fridge installed by someone else instead of enlisting the help of your brother-in-law at the last minute.

2) measure depth, width of new fridge from the quarter round point, not where the wall starts less you plan on removing said quarter round and base board to fit the new fridge.

3) pay the extra $100 to have new fridge installed by someone else instead of enlisting the hlep of your borther-in-law at the last minute....did I already mention this?

When we are ready to move from this place, I believe we will be hiring professional movers to do the hard work instead of trying to do it ourselves. We just have way too much stuff now than ever.

But our place really did need all the upgrades we made this Summer - it'll prove to be a good return on our investment.

So what is left? A new stove for my mom's place, a new water heater and bathroom flooring for our place which will be done when the Florida Maidys are in town for Ben's arrival.

Chocolate Spiral

I am a glutant. I am ashamed. I am terribly weak and it's all Alex's fault.

Alex's office decided to bring in cake and present a Target gift card to him today at work in prep. for Ben's arrival. It was a very, very, very sweet thing to do for us and we are terribly greatful. The Target card will buy one of many diaper packages we'll be using this Summer.

But the problem with this kind gesture is the cake. I love cake. But I cannot have cake! But I ate cake...actually, I dug into what was left over of the cake with my fork like some crack addict on a binge.

I'm positive the synapses in my brain became excited the second my eyes saw the cake Alex walked into the house with....now mind you, it was not his idea to bring the cake home. I'd asked him to bring me back a slice....A SLICE! But in walks Alex with half a cake! What is a girl supposed to do?

While he was walking over to the kitchen counter to set the cake down I'd already begun to imagine what the frosting would taste like....chocolate frosting, the sickeningly sweet smell of thick, gooey chocolate frosting sitting atop the chocolate and vanilla cake - yes, it was calling out to me, I recognized the familiar sound of chocolatey goodness calling out to me.

Immediately I began to think about when I would steal a ginormous portion of this cake without Jack or Alex catching me in the act. Luckily, it was Jack's bath night. Yes, I would indulge, become the glutant I'd been forced to hide for the past three weeks due to my GD while Alex was bathing Jack.

So what the heck was Alex waiting for? Why wasn't he taking Jack into the bath? Cold sweat began forming down my back. It was all I could do to feign interest in whatever the heck Alex was saying to me at that moment. In fact, I do not recall exactly what happened after he walked in with the cake to when he and Jack disappeared behind the bathroom door for the bath. It's all a blur.

Jack walked back and forth with his choo-choo, babbling something about Gordon and a doggy. Why was this dirty kid still out here trying to hold a conversation with me when there was cake to be had?

Finally, an Ah-Ha! moment. I thought of a way to get the two of them out of my way.

"Jack's diaper is full, so we need to change him now and put him in shorts, or just take it off and get him ready for his bath." I said as calmly as possible.

"Okay...you heard mommy, it's bath time!"

I'm sure Alex knew all along what I was up to, he knows me too well. The two of them eventually headed into the bathroom and I was left alone with THE CAKE.

At first, despite my desire, I took the smallest bit of cake, taking care not to have too much frosting on it if you can believe that. I mean there I was, I'd waited an agonizing 20 minutes before I was all alone with the cake and all I can do is take a tiny bite? But that's what I did. I must have believed I have super human powers or something.

Once the tiny bite entered my mouth there was no turning back. It was like eating Cool Whip all your life and one day you are served real whipped cream, fresh whipped cream, straight from the mixer, creamy and thick, so smooth and buttery.

My taste buds jumped for joy, my stomach cried out for more. I knew I shouldn't, but I did...I DIG into the center of the cake and rake out a gigantic mouthful of cake. I shove all of it in my mouth. I'm not even sure at this point where I am or who I am. I am just in love with this cake.

Well, I've already ruined my blood sugar level, there's no going back now, so I dig in for another mouthful of cake, then another, then another, then another. Whatever heaven was, this had to be it (or hell for doing something so bad that felt so good). Oh glorious chocolate! If I'd had a pitch fork I'd have used it to shove the entire thing in my big fat face.

Alas, as with all good things, even chocolate must come to an end. Mine came to an end when my legs started cramping up - this happens when I've been standing still in one position too long. Also, Ben started kicking me. And like that, as if waking from a beautiful dream my eye lids fluttered, the fork still in my mouth, and my hand still clutching the side of my cake platter.

It was nice for a while, but now I had to stop. My thoughts raced back to Ben and how his health must come first before chocolate. I put the fork down, released the cake platter and resumed making Jack's dinner.

I heard the bathroom door open and out walked Alex and Jack from the bath.

Hello, my name is Taylor, and I'm a chocoholic.

Cat Naps

I have begun to fall asleep on the couch promptly at 7:30pm these past few nights. Then I wake up around 9pm to find the the kitchen table cleared of dinner, the sink empty of dirty dishes, and Jack toys neatly piled/put away. I guess this is what Alex does while I'm napping.

The other day he mentioned that I started snoring. Yes, I can believe that. Pregnancy makes your nose congested, and being in the late late stage of pregnancy now, I'm more fatigued than ever, so snoring would be a natural thing to do.

Tonight, I woke up to the sound of screaming in the middle of my nap. Alex was indulging in his zombie fettish by watching 28 weeks later. Sigh. I have no idea why zombie movies appeal to him, but he's been working so hard around the house, at work, and just looking after Jack lately that I could not ask him to change the channel.

I have been cranky, grouchy, mean, and moody lately....even more so than usual. I don't know how much longer Alex will tolerate this.

Baby Update

Still no baby....but I'm being warned by my doctor's office that it could be any day now. I am officially 37 weeks, which means I am official considered full term. This means Ben is fully developed and will have no trouble breathing and being on his own if he were to be born from this point on.

And I really wish he would come out soon. I am getting bigger and heavier by the minute it seems.

Yesterday we had a very nice warm day and my ankles swelled up to the size of small oranges. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I see people looking at me like, 'Oh my gosh, when are you due? You poor thing, you must be so uncomfortable!' and at first I appreciate their sympothy...then the reality of how big I must seem sets in. Wow, so I must look like a blimp.

A well meaning Taco Bell drive up employee recently commented on how big I was. I don't think she had any clue in ettiquettes or the what the scowl on my face meant as she kept mentioning how big I was. I wanted to deck her! I wanted to say things I could not say in front of the Fudge.

Of course Alex knew exactly what I was thinking and felt because the minute the Taco Bell girl opened her mouth he turned right to me with a question on his face...."so are you going to kill her? And if so, how? Just let me know so I can get out of your way."

I can't help that Alex was the size of a 4 month old baby the day he was born (he was over 9 pounds - my poor, poor mother-in-law!). I can't help that I am vertically challenged.

I look like a pregnant tomoato on toothpicks. And to make things worse, I cannot even eat the things I want which most women take for granted in late pregnancy. I have this stupid GD to deal with.

Sitting is not comfortable for me any more. The sheer weight of Ben is cutting off circulation to my legs. I must recline, or lay side ways to get relief....then I fall asleep.

I am almost 3cm dilated, and the baby's head has dropped considerably. I think my body can sense the closeness of Ben's arrival. I want to take 10 cat naps a day and don't really have the energy to do much else. The pain in my pelvis makes walking, sitting, standing, or even turning over in my bed painful/uncomfortable.

This is the last one. If I have another one, the chances of developing GD rises considerably. Also, I am too damn old to go through this again. This is the last one. So unless we win the lotto or Alex lands a gig as a highly compensated corporate executive and I can stay at home and hire a nanny to watch the kids and serve me, I am not doing this again.

I've heard the 3rd one throws parents over the edge....well of course it does....you're out numbered by the time you have three! It's a numbers game. Duh.

Forgetful Jones

Wow, can I just say that I almost created the worst kind of drama for myself today? It was a mistake of such grandness and idiocy that if I were Alex I would have sent me straight to to the 'Dumbest Person Alive' hall of fame.

I'm not sure if the mistake happened because I've got water on the brain or just because I felt so flustered and out of control yesterday. All I know is that I've reached an all time level of short attention/memory span.

We had new flooring put in last night. The house as you can imagine was in disarray - in fact, it still needs finishing up.

We'd hoped by the time Alex had picked up Jack from daycare and returned home the flooring guys would be done. This was not the case. They were still working on our bedroom when Alex came home with the Fudge.

Not wanting any injuries and needless interference, I took Jack over to my sister's house while the guys finished up the bedroom.

The minute I drove into Wany's driveway I realized I had not brought Jack's diaper bag. I panic. I am angry. Why can't Alex remember everything FOR me? Jeez!

But the diaper bag wasn't the mistake I post about. The missing diaper bag is nothing compared to what I did when Jack and I returned home.

Per usual, Jack fell asleep in the car on the ride home. When I drove up to the driveway, he was sound asleep, so I decided to try my best to transport him from the car to his crib as quietly as possible.

It didn't work. As soon as I opened his side of the car door he opened his eyes and was more than half awake. Despite his alertness, I grabbed him quickly from the car seat and carried him into the house.

As soon as Jack saw the transformation of the house he didn't even remember he was asleep just a few minutes ago. He wanted to explore and quite frankly, so did I. I checked out the finished bedroom and kitchen and inside the closets.

Now if you've been keeping up with Jack's blog, you know that I have recently been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Primarily, this means I get to eat meat and veggies only for the remainder of my pregnancy - no sweets what so ever. And I also have to test my blood sugar 4 times a day, once in the morning before I eat, and 2 hours after breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I could not locate my blood sugar tester this morning. Then I remembered it was in my purse. Where the heck was my purse? Oh, I left it in the car...the unlocked car...THE CAR I LEFT RUNNING SINCE LAST NIGHT! (place Psycho theme here)

Alex quickly ran out to the car. The gas had run out (I had less than a quarter of a tank left when I got home the night before) and the battery had died. Alex said it was making a funny clicking noise. Alex also said other things which made me afraid I had killed the car.

What had I done? Woe is me! Was I insane? How could I have forgotten the car the was left on?! What kind of idiot leaves the car on, unlocked with her purse inside it? Someone could have stolen the purse, the car, come into the house and burglarized us if they wanted to! I could have killed the car and Jack and Ben would have to ride in a red wagon while mom or dad pushed to daycare instead of being comfortably seated in the minivan, buckled up nice and safe.

Even Jack looked at me with eyes that clearly asked, "what in the world were you thinking, Mom? How could you forget? Even I know you turn the car off when you're not using it." Then he took another spoonful of his oatmeal.

Fortunately, with a little gas and a jump from the Avalon, the van was back to normal and running well.

I had to have Alex repeat at least 4 times what I was supposed to do after her left for work...."leave it running for 20-25 minutes....then turn the car off and on again. If that works, take the car to a gas station and fill up....then take it for a short trip somewhere to keep it running."

I would not have been as calm or gracious as Alex was to me. I would have bitten his head off after screaming all sorts of profanities at him. But I guess that is why I'm married to him...to remind me every so often that even the 'better' half (as I'd like to think of myslef) makes terrible mistakes.

Yes, it's been a while since I last posted but there's been lots going on....also I've just been darn too tired.

I think January was the last time I remeber feeling comfortable in my own skin. Starting in February, my body started breaking down on me. I guess with 2nd pregnancies, the body starts creaking and expanding much earlier. I feel like I'm carrying three bowling balls! But my doctor assures me there is only one baby inside and he is as happy as could be.

Still, I wish I were able to physically do more and feel better than I am feeling now. Jack is at such a wonderful age right now where he's picking up so much and wants to interact and play with mommy and daddy so much I feel bad when I can't pick him up when he asks to be picked up.

Here's a list of my complaints at the moment (6/17 cannot come soon enough!):

Very full belly - poeple at work keep asking when I'm due expecting an answer to be sometime in the next 3-4 weeks - they are shocked when I tell them I have another 8 weeks to go.

Sciatica - my butt radiates with pain, then down the back of my leg

General soreness and stiffness - getting up from my office chair, getting out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, or simply getting in and out of the car has been a test of will and endurance.

Fatigue and forgetfullness - the fatigue set back in as soon as I started the 3rd trimester. The forgetfullness has been every lasting this time around. I use strange phrasing, mix words or forget them altogether.

Clothes - items I wore during month 9 with Jack I can't even fit into as I head into month 8 with Ben.

Sickness - I have had 5 colds, one right after the other in some cases since being preggers with Ben. I have also acquired a lovely dry cough during the process. It's been 5 weeks since our family caught the nasty strain of flu and I'm the only one still coughing.

Swelling - the temperature reached 65 today. My fingers, calves, and feet swelled up.

It's HOT! I do not sleep with covers over me. I sleep in a tank top and shorts. This is quite strange as I'm usually over dressed for sleep as I tend to be cold. The temperature seems to bother me more this time than last.

At least there is one constant - Alex has been as helpful as ever doing what he can from house work to looking after Jack. I'm very appreciative and hope I can begin pitching in again after Ben is born. I hope for a speedy recovery so I can start helping out around the house again, as well as do some fun things with Jack this Summer.

2008

The first day in the first month of the year 2008 arrived and is almost about to end.

I cannot wait to see what will unfold in 2008 - what kind of adventures, pleasant surprises, opportunity and joy will come our way? It is exciting to think about the next 12 months to come.
One thing I know for sure is that we will be welcoming a new Maidy into our lives in early June. Jack will become an older sibling. It's strange to think of Jack in that capacity - he's our little man, our baby, our Fudge.

The Maidys and the Lims spent the first day of 2008 at my mom's house. We had traditional dumpling and rice cake soup along with other delicious Korean dishes (Kalbi, beef patty, seasoned veggies, tofu, Kalbi-Jeem, and Jap-Chae). As always, my mother made too much food and I enjoyed taking down every bite.

Afterwards, we all dressed up in our traditional Korean clothes (Hanbok) and performed Se Bea to my mother. It's traditional to bow to your elders and wish them a blessed new year. It was a real production to get everyone - especially the little ones - into their Hanboks and then get them to take pictures and perform Se Bea. Lots of cohersion and coaxing was required to get them to stay in their clothes. Of course, my mother's big concern was whether or not the little ones were wearing the traditional socks that go with the Hanboks. We got some great photos of everyone though. I think my mother really enjoyed having us over and taking pictures. There's nothing she loves more than having a lap full of grand children.

New Year resolutions? I hate to even make any as I know I will break them. So this year I think I will make a 'strive for' list - here it goes:

1) Wear make-up (at the very least, lipstick/gloss)
2) Start paying attention to what I wear again
3) Drink more water
4) Wear my wedding rings - after all, Alex went through a lot of trouble to provide it.
5) Read at least one fiction book

On purpose, I decided to make the 'strive for' list me centered. In 2007 I found myself asking quite a few times 'what the heck happened to me?' and I didn't like that feeling. If I lose myself, I cannot BE myself to my family and friends.