Infirm

I hate being sick.

I've been sick since Kate's birthday back in mid November and it's been non-stop fun from there on.

The on set of a soar throat, the tiredness and fatigue, the dryness in your nose, then congestion, sinus pressure and pain, the coughing for no good reason, the sleepless nights tossing and turning to get one good breath in through your one open nostril....ah, the head cold.

Eventually my chest hurts from coughing so much - no one gets much sleep as they are forced to lay awake listening to me cough, than gag, then lose my breath, then do it all over again all night long.

In the past two days I've gone through 2 boxes of tissue - and that's just at work. Alex bought me another vaporizer so that I can give myself a steam treatment. It does wonders to loosen up congestion in your head and chest. I also plan to gargle with salt water tonight so that my throat doesn't get any worse. Right now it feels raw - I am eating ice cream as anything cool seems to help.

The worst thing about being sick is that I cannot play with Jack the way I'd like. I'm hoping to feel at least 70% better by Saturday for some gingerbread house making at Wany's. I do not want to feel miserable for that.

The 2007 List

Well, it was really tough putting 10 things for the list this year as the things I really want are not at all practical to put on a holiday wish list (e.g. a new house, car paid off, Jack to never catch another cold again, no day care cost, to see the Florida Maidys...etc). So below are the 10 items I came up with.....

This year's top ten things I'd like to receive for Christmas:

1. Pajama pants & long sleeve pajama shirts (lots and lots of X-LARGE pajama pants/shirts to get me through winter pregnancy) flannel or cotton only please.
2. Coach purse
3. Cash (what can I say, I'm Korean)
4. Pedicure
5. Digital photo frame
6. Box of chocolates (but these have to be really really good chocolate - no Hershey's kind of stuff, please)
7. Martha Stewart's Complete Guide/Book to Housekeeping
8. Cleaning service
9. Alex to get his nose fixed so he stops snoring
10. Jack to say 'Mommy' to me on Christmas morning

Update

We have a new car - a minivan. Oh Lord, help us. The purchase was made after Alex succeeded in ruining his Stratus beyond repair.

First of all, let me say that I am very very very thankful Alex was not hurt in the car accident that ruined his car and forced us to now be a household with two car payments. I am also thankful that he does not suffer any residual aches and pains from the accident (read his blog for complete detail of accident).

I am also very thankful that the accident taught him a good lesson - there is no reason why a happily married man with a beautiful son and sick wife (suffering from OCD and control issues) should be out driving at 3am for the sake of watching a dumb movie which he would have received through NetFlix ANYWAY.

Thanksgiving - we are gathering my my sister's house again this year. I hate living in a small house. Alex and I both enjoy entertaining when we can, but in a smaller home, entertaining tends to be difficult - especially with Jack's things all over the place and no play room like at the Lim's palace. Hopefully this will change next year.

Christmas decorations will be going up this weekend. We MAY even venture out for some shopping on Black Friday...shivers. I think if anything, we'll hit target. I'm hoping to purchase a new Christmas tree - one worth having around for the next 5 years or so. Our old tree broke due to Newt constantly sleeping on the branches. Sigh.

The colder weather creates many cravings....right now I am craving spicey seafood noodle soup (Jamp-pong). Mmmmmm. Pita Inn would be nice too. Mmmmmm.....drooling.

Deep Breath

I have to remember that I do not work for a company, division, business unit, department or even a manager.

I work because of Jack. He's my boss, my inspiration, my motivation, all my hopes and dreams all neatly and handsomely tied in one person.

I must remember....I work so that I can provide the best possible for Jack.

Some days I need to remember the above more than other days.....today was such day....a day I needed to remember it really hard. :-)

I must remember....to buy a lotto ticket, and win it!

Contact

I am hopeless!

After many years of debate and failing eye sight, I finally decided to take the plunge and get contact lenses.

I was very nervous about putting the contacts in my eye. I should have been more nervous about getting them out.

I've ripped a total of 3 lenses so far. I've had contacts less than a week. I ripped the right lense first - they were stepped on (I thought I'd put them in the case after removing them from my right eye, but I had not - I dropped them on the bathroom floor). Then I ripped the left lense (same thing - thought I put it in the case, didn't, fell to bathroom floor). The third incident was the new left lense. I took them out, put them in the case and leaned in close to make sure the lense was in the case and not stuck to my finger or hanging on the side of the case wall when I noticed something that I thought was white debris or air bubble. It wasn't either. It was a rip.

I'm upset. Ripping your contacts is a normal thing when you first try them but three in one week? That's just a sign from God that you shouldn't wear them, or in my case, handle them.

Alex told me these things happen when you first get contacts and that it took him a couple of weeks before he got the hang of it. But here's the thing....it took him a few weeks when he was a grade schooler, just a grammer school kid! So if we were to translate that time in 'working professional' world/age that would actually be about 2-3 days!

I think I will ask for a month's worth of contacts so that I can practice for the next two weeks.

All Done!

Say/think what you will, but I love cleaning. It brings me a sense of control over my surroundings.

Today, I made great efforts after Jack was put down for the night. I also like making lists, so here is a list of cleaning that ensued after Jack went 'night-night':

Kitchen floor - dry and wet Swiffered
Kitchen counter - wiped down
Bathroom floor - dry and wet Swiffered
Bathroom counter - wiped down
Toilet - wiped down and scurbbed
Bathroom sinks - wiped down and scrubbed
Freezer - organized (bad food thrown away)
Fridge - wiped down (bad food thrown away)
Dining room table - wiped down and scrubbed
Dining room chairs - wiped down and scrubbed (Jack uses chairs to lean on when scaling through the house)

Tomorrow, all that is left is vacuuming! So we can enjoy the rest of our day going out for brunch, grocery shopping and a trip to Toys R Us (Jack needs a train) without having chores left to do.

I love Sundays with Jack.

Harry Potter Done

I've finished! And it only took me a little over a week or so? I cannot remember, time becomes a black hole when you have child.

Don't worry Alex, I will not give anything away!

But I will say that this is NOT one of my favorite out of the series. I'd put this as my second least favorite. I guess the logical person in me just can't buy into how things were resolved in the end.

I will say that I enjoyed the adventure of finding out anyway! Unlike my sister who bought the book (yes, she went to the midnight sale of the book) then promptly read the last 4 chapters as soon as she got home (yes, I know I know!) so that she did not have to live/read the adventure with her stomach in an anxious knot wondering what will happen next.

I am glad to have read all the books. I may even start all over again from the start just for the fun of it. I haven't felt this way about a book since readign 'The Selfish Gene' (yes, I know I know, I'm a geek!).

Go East!

I got a chance to head East due to a death in the family (Alex's uncle passed away). It certainly wasn't the best of circumstances in which to head to my husband's home town, but I'm glad I got the chance to see his old stomping grounds nonetheless.

I was sitting all the way in the back of the mini-van with Jack so I could not see Alex's expression, but I could hear the excitement in his voice whenever he spotted a building, neighborhood, or street corner he recognized.

I saw the elementary school he attended, the grocery store he had his first job, the highschool he attended, the apartment complex they lived in (his mother and grandmother used to manage the building as well), China town and much more.

I began to imagine what it would be like and how I'd feel if I were to visit my childhood place....BOTH of them.....the one in Korea and the one in the south suburbs (La Grange Park).

One day, I would like to go FURTHER East and see my old house in Korea. That would be cool.

Harry Potter

Got the book Saturday morning.

On page 201.

The Rent, The Snobs, and the beautiful scenery

90% of people I met over the past week in California are transplants - meaning they were all born and raised elsewhere before coming to CA. I've always heard so many nice things about CA I wasn't surprised that people would naturally flock to the state for all it's sunny days and temperate climate.

However, I would NEVER live in Monterey/Salinas. If you're young, single and have no kids, you can afford to pay $2000 in rent every month and hang at the local bar (daily since there is nothing else to do there but drink). If you are retired and have a handsome retirement fund you can live there and sail, or open a local bar where all the single, young professionals can hang out all week night long.

The area we were in is all agriculture - lettuce, strawberries and the likes. California also breeds wine snobs! "Is there a note of chocolate in this bouquet?" one would hear at least once during dinner. Don't get me wrong, I like wine, but I don't presume to make a study of why I like the damn thing. I like what tastes good and if I like it enough, I might buy a bottle. I do not have the money nor the inclination to search out and join a wine tasting or wine tour purely for the sake of educating my nose to which fermented/rotten barrel of grapes could possibly house a 'note of chocolate'.

By golly if I wanted chocolate, I would have driven my butt to the nearest chocolatier, or the nearest supermarket!

Despite all sorts of issues related to travel and the wine snobs here and there, the view in Monterey is something to see. It was nice having the mountains as a back drop to your morning commute. It was interesting to see homes carved into the hillside. The last night I was there, we ate at a place called the FishHopper. The place literally stretched all the way out to the edge of the pier, and we sat surrounded by floor to celing window on three sides of us and watched an otter play in the evening fog that rolled onto the shore. We saw the sunset from Carmel beach. BEAUTIFUL.

I thought about my boys back home and wished they could have seen it with me.

Monterey Airport is a Joke!

I wish businesses had a way to pay you back for time lost with one's family. I wish businesses would not make a practice of making their employees fly about during the weekend. Weekends are for family and personal life after having been enslaved by work all week long.

I was supposed to return Saturday afternoon (2:30pm) but instead returned home at 3:30am Sunday. I will NEVER again fly US Airways, or fly out of regional airports such as Monterey, CA. Our ticket agent was also the baggage claim/tag person, and gate personnel. I would not have been surprised if she was also the pilot and mechanic on a regular basis. Regional airports suck. Because they are regional airports, they do NOT have direct flights ANYWHERE! They either fly out to Phoenix or Las Vegas in order for you to catch your connecting flight elsewhere. Gads.

I will not go into the details of my horrific flight back to Chicago that started out at 5am Pacific Standard Time, but I will say that my co-workers and I ended up driving 1.75 hours from Monterey, CA to San Fransisco, CA to catch a direct flight back to Chicago.

I poured into bed when I got home. Then around 6am, just like clock work, Jack woke up. Alex brought him into see me. Even in my sleep deprived world I managed to hug and kiss my Fudgy. But he did not recognize me.

He sat there, on my side of the bed and just stared at me the way he stares at someone in the grocery store. I went back to bed for another hour or so before getting up for the rest of the day. Thankfully, this time, Jack recognized me and gave me one of his 'super' smiles.

The house was still in one piece, no one had to take a trip to the ER, and the cat was still alive, so all was well. Alex did a great job but hopefully, I will NEVER have to be out of town for that long ever again OR fly out of Monterey.

Going West

I am leaving for Salinas CA today. I will not be returning home till Saturday. This means I will be without the Fudge for 5.5 days. I miss him already.

I took Jack to daycare this morning around 8am. Talked to the teachers in the infant room and let them know I would be out all week. My last image of him today - he was sitting on the floor with a ring toy of some sort watching his classmates. He did not even look my way when I said good-by to him. In a way, this is a good thing - Jack is a social child, but on the other hand, I was saddened a bit that he didn't respond to me. But then again, Jack doesn't mind me leaving as much as he minds Alex leaving.

Jack is a daddy's boy. Sigh. The two of them are thick as thieves. :-)

I don't think Jack will notice I'm not around till about day 3...."Hey, where's the other big kid around here?"

I wonder how long it will be before I break down in tears. I've been on a business trip before, but that was a one nighter - left on Wednesday, came back Thursday.

Wish me luck.

7-2-07

I have not posted since 6/18. Dang...that's a long time.

Hair status - hair has grown, but not long enough to undue the nasty mom 'do' just yet. I figure by Jack's 1st birthday, things should be right with the world again. Sigh.

Job - got a new one. Just got system access today. I'm not complaining though....I kind of like having a few slower days before things get really busy at work.

4th of July - first one I'll be spending without taking any other day off. It's weird this year...on a Wednesday. Will not be attending any fire works as they will take place after Jack's bedtime. We are in the process of maybe attending a parade during the day time hours.

Sun burned my arms during the drive home from work today. Good grief.

Mom vs. Dad

Mother's Day and Father's Day are quite different.

On Mother's Day, mother's spend as much time possible relaxing and trying not to lift a finger. On Father's Day, the 3 Chicago Maidys spent time being out and about - shopping, bookstore, going to visit Grandpa Park, going through the car wash (Jack's first), etc.

But I think Alex quite enjoyed himself because we were doing one of his favorite things - hanging out with Jack! As Jack gets older and bigger, it is easier to take him places and it's more fun! Jack loves riding in the shopping cart and deciding which things he should grab off the shelf and put directly into his mouth.

And that was just in the morning hours!

In the afternoon, we came back home, grilled up some lunch/dinner (Alex grilled as I am afraid of any kinds of open fire) and hung out with the Lims and my mother.

Yes, you may think it's funny that Alex grilled/cooked some of his own Father's Day meal, but just so everyone knows, I took care of all the preparation (marinade for the chicken, the rice salad, potatoes, dessert).

Afterwards, I fell asleep on the couch while Alex finished up some laundry! :-)

Father's Day was 'invented' to celebrate great dads everywhere, and Alex is definitely one of the greatest.

Broke Down In Boca

Alex is a typical guy - he loves gadgets, he loves sports, he types with three fingers, and he needs help dressing every now and then (e.g. wrinkled pants and shirt to work is NOT an option). But during our vacation to Boca Raton, FL, I realized not only is he a typical guy, but he is a 12 year old guy who has never packed a suitcase in his life.

He has been using a suitcase my father-in-law purchased decades ago for work travel. I must say, the damn thing has stood up against time pretty well. However, the trip to Florida was to be it's last voyage anywhere no thanks to Alex's INability to pack efficiently. I don't think this guy could play Tetris to save his life.

Nothing is folded neatly, nothing is placed geometrically, and everything is everywhere. Despite the fact Alex only packed 4 outfits (for a guy this consists of 3 T-shirts, and two shorts - I'm not sure how the math works out, but he manages somehow), when we were packing to come back to Chicago his suitcase was busting at the seams - literally!

The zipper ripped off from the suitcase itself (this was probably caused by Alex's 'caveman' way of trying to use force over mental consideration when the damn thing wouldn't close). But instead of seeing that the life of this suitcase was over, Alex continued to 'fight' his luggage to get the zipper closed, and then somehow miraculously get the zipper to adhere back to the suitcase. Sigh, sigh and double sigh.

I had to intervene. I could not watch the wrestling match any longer. I asked him to stop fighting, wipe the beads of sweat from his caveman brows, open the suitcase and step back. He of course did none of the above. I had to intervene with a little more force. I began walking over to his suitcase and open the darn thing myself. Alex broke out in a sheepish grin and tried to stop me, "No, I've got this, you don't need to do anything!"

How could T-shirts and shorts do this? I demanded he let me see the contents of his suitcase. NOTHING was folded. EVERYTHING was just crammed inside - sandals, camcorder, one flip flop, books, and toiletries all haphazardly 'placed' inside. It looked like a gorilla had tried to pack his bag 32 times before giving up in search of food.

"This suitcase is done for, Alexander. You cannot use this, it'll fall apart when it's being handled by baggage claims." I said.
"No, it'll be fine."
"No, it won't. You need a new suitcase."

My father-in-law does quite a bit of traveling for work, so he was able to lend us a bigger suitcase. "Thank goodness!" I thought. Maybe the bigger bag will be conducive to Alex's packing strateegery. I was wrong.

Alex dumped the broken suitcase with it's contents inside the bigger suitcase. Alex is a typical guy.

(I repacked his suitcase anyway)

Support

Alex is entered in a radio contest....public radio host....kind of like American Idol for radio. I think it's pretty cool he does these kinds of things....keeps life interesting.

My brother-in-law posted about him being the worst husband of the year because he went golfing while leaving his sick wife and two kids home on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I think I will win the worst wife of year as I have NOT voted for my own husband yet. Sigh. So much for support, huh?

The contest ends in about a week or so....I believe I will be voting tonight. Tehehehe.

I would like to add however that being a supportive wife has very little to do with voting and EVERYTHING to do with making Alex's red bean paste for dipping cucumber slices and grilling dried squid and file fish outside on sideburner on the grill (as not to offend said husband's nose or mental state).

Mother's Day

I had originally started this post as a 'wish' list for Mother's Day seeing how it will be my first. However, Jack gave me an early gift tonight right before bed time.

I read him a book called Sleepy Time Kisses. The last page of this book has a squeaker embedded inside so when Jack taps/hits the page, the squeaker goes off. He did it on his own first, then I hit the squeaker. Jack put on one of his famous smiles and then looked up at me as if to say, "I really LIKE this book, Mom." And for those of you who have never witnessed a 'Jack smile', just think about the best day you've ever had and multiply it by a 100.

It was enough to bring me to tears. I realized at that moment I will NEVER be able to say 'NO' to Jack's smile.

Let's Play Name That Puke!

Which would NOT be fun to throw up?

• Tuna?
• Gyros?
• Shrimp?

The answer is.....ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Hair-tastic

By poplular demand, here is the 'MOM' hair.....argh. Laugh and enjoy.

I Hate My Hair!

I got the worst hair cut known to mankind last night at the salon.

I did my due diligence in selecting the colorist and stylist (who did such an awesome job on my hair three months ago) and even showed up 10 minutes early for my appointment.

As far as color goes, I no longer worry about a 'mistake' - too bright, not enough, too brassy....these are all things that can be corrected, and color fades with time anyway.

But the haircut is forever! You can't fix hair that is cut wrong, or too short! We are not Play-Dough people where we can grow new blue hair in a matter of minutes.

I loved what my stylist did with my hair the last time. It was a rounded cut, kind of like a bob, but with more layers, long layers. She also used a razor instead of scissors which I loved. The effect is very modern and sophisticated.

Last night, my stylist asked what I wanted done. I said the same as last time. I don't think she remembered what she gave me last time and so she asked, "what did I give you last time?" I began telling her and her memory started coming back.

However, this time, she suggested maybe going a little shorter, about an inch. I immediately asked, "how short? You're not gonna make me look like a boy, are you?"

She laughed. She promised it would not make me look like a boy. I agreed to go shorter.

Well, I DO NOT look like a boy.....I LOOK LIKE A MOM! Argh!!!!!!!

When styled, it's poofy up top and narrows/tapers towards the bottom - basically, I looked like a light bulb! She cut SO short that I now have bangs! BANGS people! I haven't had bangs since the 4th grade! I HATE bangs!

Despite my internal horror, I feigned gratitude, thanked her, paid and left. OMG!

It was all Alex could do to keep from kicking me out of the house -I was walking around the house, constantly saying, "I hate my hair!"

I know hair eventually grows out, and I'm hoping that by the time Florida comes around, I will NOT HAVE BANGS, but in the meantime, I have to live with 'MOM' hair.

Bargain!

Paying bills is a pain in the butt. But I'm always glad it's done after I've finished.
I have no money, but I have peace of mind....some more trade offs of life:

I do not have a super model body, but I have Jack
I am not easy to love, but I love many people (and Newt)

Excursion with Mom

I did it. I did the unthinkable, the unbelievable. I went shopping with my mother.

She leaves for Korea Thursday, YES, this Thursday, and so she had some things she wanted to pick up for her family and asked if I would take her shopping. I agreed knowing how important this trip is to her. She turned 60 this year, and due to financial limits, I was not able to give her an appropriate 60th birthday gift. So, I agreed to take her, and in the process, get her a few things she wanted/needed.

Before stepping foot into a store/mall, I asked her to think about the folks she wanted gifts for and then to think about what she wanted to get them and make a list. I am a huge believer in making a list. My mother is a believer in grabbing anything and everything that catches your eye and then later when you are ready to leave, find a nice quiet spot at the back of the store and go through all your items again and make another short list. This is her list.

Surprisingly, she said this time she actually did make a list - however, a list doesn't help much if you leave it at home. Sigh. However, I seriously do not believe she actually made any list at all as I found the following to be true during my excruciating experience with my mother:

Coffee -
likes the coffee my sister and brother-in-law drink, and did *I* know what kind of coffee it was? Why would I know what kind of coffee they get?
What kind of coffee should she get?

Ground or whole bean?

Why don't they have everything in ground?

Do they have coffee bean grinders in Korea?

Should I get them a coffee bean grinder?

Vitamins - keep in mind I am NOT a pharmacist

Apparently any kind of supplement that promises to enhance joint/soft tissue health is all the craze these days in Korea. She actually found the kind she wanted quickly (I was pleasantly surprised by this), however....

How many should I get?

Which brand should I get?

Which is better for you?

Should I get one too?

Toothpaste -

"I don't want the gigantic tubes of toothpaste, I just need a small one."

"Then don't buy here in bulk. You're better off buying at Jewel, one tube."

"Why do they sell toothpaste by the box?"

"They don't Mom, they sell in packs of 4 tubes."

"Oh, then I want to get it."

"Why do you need 4 tubes?"

"One for work, one for the main bathroom, one for the master bathroom, and the other as extra."

Her bathrooms are literally five steps away from each other. "It's good to have toothpaste in every bathroom cause you never know where you're going to brush your teeth." WHAT THE HECK ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Woodfield - I'll make the pain short and simple for you

Only planned on giving some people gifts and no gifts for others (forgot spouses, nieces and nephews and their children...etc.)

Made me decide what to get for half the poeple on her 'mental' list for gifts, and the only direction she gave me in searching for these gifts was it had to be cheap/affordable and the highest of quality. Sigh.

Argued Ralph Lauren clothing would be cheap and highest of quality. Lord help me!

Asked me how much items were cause she couldn't see the price on the price tag because she was not wearing her glasses even though they were already HANGING on her shirt!

Despite all of the above, we did share a fair amount of laughs and food (Mom likes Portillo's Italian Beef with hot peppers). And as always, when we returned home, she forgot about how tired her body was from being out for 6 hours and found herself gladly covered in Jack's drool.

Caring is over rated

I am not a boat rocker, feather ruffler, pot stirrer or sand box bully. I have always played nice with others in the sand box and truly believe majority rules, even if I'm not 100% on board.

But after becoming a mother, I feel I've shed that outter most layer, the superficial shell that usually kept me safe without confrontation in or with the public. I no longer care what other people think - especially when it comes to my Jack.

1) I do not care that my doctor's office thinks I'm a lunatic, a nervous-nelly, paranoid, or even annoying by paging the doctor at all hours of the night or making appointments for Jack to see the doctor every 10-12 days. I do not care how many times or by how many doctors I am told a fever can be a good thing. When a baby spikes a fever over 103 degrees, it CANNOT wait till the next business day for a mother.

2) I do not care that some of my co-workers tire of hearing stories about my Jack. You only have your first born once - coworkers are a dime a dozen! No contest.

3) I do not care that I wear spit up to work.

4) I make 'baby talk' all the time to Jack, even when out in public. I don't care who is giving me a strange look.

5) I could care less that there are 5 people standing in line behind me at Target as I explain for the 3rd time how the Similac Formula coupon works to the newby check-out kid at the register.

And I thought motherhood would make me passive, even flakey! Boy am I glad to be wrong!

Dare Update #2

I have not run since last Friday.
Too cold.

Weather is supposed to warm up this week. I plan on being back out there again.

Toothless First Cousins Legal here?

I'll have to leave my men next week for one night and a day as I'm going on a business trip to Charlotte, NC.

Yes, I will be venturing into what I only know as hillbilly nation for a work related trip.

Thank goodness on two levels....
1) it's only for one day and one night away from Jack
2) it's only for one day and one night in hillbilly country

While I'm looking forward to meeting the folks I work with and talk on the phone daily, I am kind of nervous about everything else that comes with going to a state that still upholds marriage between first cousins and considers tator tots a serving of vegetables.

Actually, I'm probably quite wrong about the whole thing. This city is probably loaded with rich history and landmarks from the Old South days, and they probably have good Southern cooking too!

My Jack

Do you think we look alike? Alex says we have the same face. (also I'm wearing too much blush - you'd think a sister would have told you...sigh)

The Dare Update

I ran twice last week - Thursday and Friday. I took the weekend off because I needed my body to heal so I could run again, but most importantly because my body just felt like crap after working out! Ouch!

I must admit, I felt wonderful to run/jog again. It felt good to have that time to myself again. It felt great to know that even after Jack, I could still do a mile at the first crack back at working out.

Working out as a non-smoker really makes a difference too. I warmed up, jogged a mile, cooled down and stretched all in about 25 minutes. This means I either ran a fast mile (well, anything 12 minutes and under is considered fast for me) or my warm up and cool down was fast.

Monday I did not work out - got my period, TERRIBLE cramps and just plain tired.
Tuesday I did not work out - waaaaaay too cold! (32 degrees!)
Tonight I did not work out - tired from not getting any sleep due to Alex's snoring (he's sleeping out on the couch tonight) and from getting up every two hours to check in on Jack and finally getting up at 3:30am to take his temp. and give him Tylenol and then putting him back to sleep which he didn't do till 4:44am.

I'm hoping tomorrow I can at least get a good walk in there somewhere, I deserve it.

Right now, it's way past my bedtime and I need to get some shut eye. Good night. Hopefully, Jack will sleep through the night.

"?"

I like direct questions and direct answers.

"What do you want to do for dinner?"
Direct answers - "I don't know." or "let's grill chicken."
Indirect answer - "Well we had chicken the other night and I didn't really like it and I don't want to do pizza again cause we had it for lunch at work today....."

"What time is it?"
Direct answers - "5:15pm" or "It's time to go!"
Indirect answer - "What do you mean what time is it? For what?"

"Where are you?"
Direct answers - "About half an hour from home." or "I just passed the toll booth."
Indirect answer - "I would be almost home already except there was this accident on the expressway...."

It's communication style differences I guess. I like to get the What, When, Where, Why, Who, and How first before adding to the subject. People generally like to get to those things first as it quickly sets a scenario/ picture/ or mind set of what is being asked/discussed/shared. Anything beyond the facts just adds layers.

There's nothing wrong with adding layers, whether it is interesting or not, just as long as the core of the information is addressed first.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

The Dare

Man, I have GOT to do something about eating better. I always mean well and get salad bags and stuff to take for lunch the next day, but I never manage to get them to the office. Because I am in a hurry, I always end up packing a frozen dinner/lunch thing. It's horrible.

And I never get enough water in the day. I prefer coffee, Coke, or Diet Coke with a lime. And I never work out. I dream about getting up earlier in the morning or going out after I put Jack to bed to get at least a 30 minute walk, but that never happens.

I barely get up in time to put powder on my face! And after Jack’s been put to bed, I’m pooped and don’t want to do another thing, or have other things I need to take care of for the next day (too bad one of the ‘next day’ item is not putting together a salad for lunch at the office).
Are there just not enough hours in the day to get all I want to do done? Or am I just not DOING them?

Someone once told me that as far as working out goes, if you have the mindset that your workout time is an option, it’ll never get done; it has to become a ‘must’. You don’t have a choice; you don’t base the decision to work out on how you ‘feel’ that day.

I’VE NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO DO THIS.

I am curious though…the kind of curiosity a mad scientist would have looking at some plutonium and nitrogen. What IF I challenged myself to do as I want, and not do as I feel? What if I became militant about keeping to a routine and/or schedule for MYSELF too?
How would I change? And how quickly would that change take place? Would it change who I am?

There are a handful of things I’ve changed for the better in my life, marriage and Jack are the result of some of these changes. But the hardest for me to learn/fix was to manage my money better after my father passed away, and to quit smoking before I got pregnant.

COULD I take on the challenge of getting my butt out there every day? I read it takes at least 21-23 to kick a habit or obtain one.

I’ll have to engineer a ‘habit’ to get myself out there for 30 minutes once a day.

Wet Purse

So Jack peed on his socks while he was getting weighed yesterday at thedoctor's office...and I hadn't brought the diaper bag with me from the car,so I took off his socks and put them in the front pocket of my purse.

This morning while in my car, I found my glasses sitting on top of the dashand went to put them in the front pocket of my purse (cause I couldn't findthe eyeglass case I'd left in the car). I'd totally forgotten the pee peesocks were still in there and shoved my glasses in.

I got to work and pulled out my glasses and realized what I'd done. I pulledout the socks too. They were still wet. They are now in a plastic bag, backin my purse - the main compartment. Sigh. But I kind of liked seeing a'Jack' item that had followed me to work today. It's a good day.

Thoughts

First, my apologies for not having blogged in quite a while.

I have been happily busy trying to spend as much time as I can with my son, Jack.
He makes the daily grind of the work place worth it. I was telling a friend of mine yesterday how I wished I had Jack sooner. He is too much fun! He's awesome. I cannot remember what life was like without Jack.

I can no longer hold out to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I was trying to stave off buying clothes I'd fit into now in my bigger state. However, I have gotten sick of rotating the same 3-4 shirts and 2 jeans throughout the week. I need to buy clothes without spending an arm and a leg, and also to find things that will actually fit me without going to the maternity section.

I admit it freely, I am still wearing maternity jeans. Why? They are super comfortable! And I am still super fat in the middle. Jack was a big kid! Give me a break...I'm gonna look big in the middle for a little bit longer, okay?

The above being said, I also need to actively do something to drop the pounds. I am currently on SlimFast...I'll let you know how that goes. I've been on it for a week now and have not dropped a single pound...probably cause I have a dessert every night after dinner at home (vanilla icecream and Oreo cookies). I should probably stop that. Also, I have not been working out. I have not even done so much as 30 minutes of walking. So I'll just stop wondering why I haven't lost a single pound now.

My J.Crew card is paid off. I want to buy!!!!!!!!! Damn the internet!

Why?

When I got home today from work, I found Alex and Jack in the livngroom, doing some tummy time. Then Alex proudly announced he'd used baby powder on Jack's bottom during the last diaper change.

Baby powder has never been a part of our diaper change routine...kind of like Butt Paste...if we don't need it, we don't use it.

So I asked why he'd used baby powder during Jack's last diaper change. Bad idea to ask such an open ended question. Sigh. My bad.

Instead of simply replying "because I felt like it." or "because I wanted to try it." his long winded response (e.g. "well, I heard when the baby's butt is red, or if they've been sitting in a wet diaper too long it's a good idea to use some baby powder during diaper changes...kind of acts like a barrier between the baby's butt and the diaper, and also...")resulted in 10 minutes more of back and forth questioning between me and Alex so that I could try to figure out if Jack had a red bottom due to being in a wet diaper too long, or if Jack's bottom had suddenly broken out in a diaper rash of some sort, or if some other kind of condition or ailment had befallen my son.

Finally, in the end, Alex replied, "it makes his butt smell nicer."

Lesson #59 - Never ask my husband a question that cannot be answered by 'yes' or 'no'.

Jack's Mom

It has been challenging being a new mom. There was so much I didn’t know, so much I don’t know still and so many more things I will discover by the process of trial and error. It scares me to death, yet at the same time it delights me to see my son growing every day, changing, becoming his own personality….he’s amazing.

I’m so glad I got to spend every day of his first 12 weeks of life…but should that be enough? The answer is clearly no. Any mother who has had to drop her child off at day care and then turn around and walk away knows the kind of pain I felt this week.

Many moms have told me that I will get used to it, that it will hurt less and less as time goes by. When I think about it, that’s the magic or in this case the indifference of time. That the passing of time could make me get ‘used to’ leaving my child with strangers is incredible to me. Should I get ‘used to’ such a thing? I think not. Time is the enemy.

I don’t have enough of it with my son. But even having to come to work wouldn’t be so hard if I knew he was home with a family member looking after him. Anyone can care for an infant, even day care centers. But receiving care vs. love are two very different things.

Care is what is given at a hospital or an animal shelter. Love is what you get from home and heart. It is most unnatural to leave my infant son to go back to work. The added worry of whether he will get enough love during the day kills me. Children don’t grow by receiving care. They grow by receiving love.

It wrecks my heart to no end….”is he being loved at day care?” the answer is inevitably a resounding “NO”. There is a reason why humans don’t have a litter of babies like in the animal kingdom. The human baby needs one on one interaction/bonding/love.

“It will get better….” Bullshit. Maybe for them it did, but I don’t have to think even for a mili-second whether it will get better for me. It will not get better. I am not a day care mom. I am a mother to my son.